To My Dad

A Father’s Day Message

As a clinician, I don’t tend to disclose a lot of personal details, but sitting down to write my Father’s Day message, it only seems fitting: After receiving the news that my father is facing a serious illness, I have spent time reflecting on my experience of fatherhood as a daughter.

I am the middle child of five kids from a middle class family, so growing up I didn’t get a lot of one-on-one time with my parents. But the time I did get was incredibly precious.

For me and my dad, it was going to 7-11 after soccer games and getting a 99 cent Slurpee. The predictability of that event turned it into a ritual for connection way bigger than the corner-store treat.

Another ritual I recall with my father was a beginning-of-the-year prayer. I identify as agnostic, but I grew up in a Christian household, and at the start of every school year I knew there was a time when he would say a prayer just for me.

A Slurpee, a private prayer, for me these are examples of what I call mindful fathering. It looks different for every father and every child, so I invite those fathers reading this to take a moment and consider what rituals you are creating with your child. Consider what rituals they might find meaningful – ask them what matters to them. The concept of mindful parenting sounds nebulous, but really it’s making conscious choices to be present and attuned to your child. Maybe it’s walking the dog, cheering on a beloved sports team, or reading a page together at bedtime. The rituals don’t have to be outside your normal routine; they could be chopping vegetables together for a special dish or watering the garden, if they are done mindfully.

You might only have 15 minutes a day or an hour on a weekend – but those rituals, daily, weekly, even yearly, make a lasting impact.

I want to wish a happy Father’s Day to all who observe it – and when I announce that I am taking a telehealth week, please know it’s because I am caregiving down in Savannah, Georgia.