To Anyone Who Mothers

The Diverse Journeys to and through Mothering

Conception, pregnancy, postpartum – the journey to and through motherhood has its phases. But as I look over my case files and to all the mothers in my orbit, I can only be struck by the singularity of each and every journey.

Those who have undergone every fertility treatment imaginable…

Those who faced grief and mourning…

Those who found themselves with an unexpected pregnancy…

Those whose pregnancies were a long, rocky road… 

Those blessed with forty weeks of light and love…

Those whose recovery was hard fought… 

Those who had no choice but to just keep swimming…

Those with the support of a village…

Those who went it alone…

– and every combination in between…

There’s no box to fit in, there is no singular path, there is no one road to motherhood.

We all come to motherhood with expectations. Even if you weren’t the child who planned the names and birth order of their future brood, we all have a picture of what motherhood will look like.

But when I think of all the moms I know, whether as a clinician, a friend, a daughter or a woman looking in the mirror, I don’t see a single trend or theme. I see diversity. I see equifinality, different paths to the same result. That’s what hit my heart when I sat down to reflect on my Mother’s Day message this year.

From a clinical standpoint, that can be frustrating because we want to give frameworks and tools to fit each person. But at the same time, it’s inspiring and energizing, because it gives us the opportunity to create something meaningful for every mom who walks through our doors.

So my mother’s day message this year is: It’s okay if your motherhood doesn’t look like what you expected or wanted it to be. The perinatal industry is such a large machine, and social media has such a strong pull, that Mother’s Day inevitably gets simplified into cookie-cutter stories. Don’t compare yourself to someone else’s journey. Motherhood is like this rough stone rolling of messiness. There are differences to how we all get there, and it’s never one-size-fits-best.

One of the areas where I see this most clearly is when I am helping mothers transition back to work: When I was researching and writing my book and workbook, I got to confront head-on the incredible diversity of challenges we face in the perinatal period. Now I’m excited to announce I’ll be leading a workshop on the topic, hosted by a wonderful organization, The Motherhood Village. 

Join me on May 16th and we’ll roll up our sleeves together and plan for an intentional, mindful transition.