Overscheduled kids

Overscheduled Kids = Parental Burnout

We’re in the thick of fall, and I keep hearing the same thing from moms: “I’m so tired, it feels like it’s already March.”

The sandwich of navigating back-to-school and anticipating the holidays can put parents in quite the squeeze: Chauffeuring kids between activities, juggling pickups and drop-offs, supervising homework, organizing playdates – all while keeping a careful eye on the holiday plans creeping up – and continuing to live in a world warped by covid.

The urgencies of the daily grind can elbow out the time we intended to put aside for ourselves. I can’t tell you how many times I hear moms say, “I’ll get back to my self-care routine after the end of soccer, hockey, or cross-country season” – not to mention piano recitals, the school play, and math club championships. 

Kids are so overscheduled that the usual advice, like “use an instant pot to meal prep,” doesn’t even make a dent. It’s not that there’s no time to prep the food; sometimes there’s not even a 20-minute window to sit down and eat it.

The to-do list is endless, so let’s be frank: If you live by the checklist, chances are high you’ll crash and burn by the holidays. Best case scenario, you’ll be spending the holidays trying to compensate for your energy deficit rather than enjoying them as fully as you deserve. 

So I want to invite you to take a moment to check in with where you are today – to get an honest read of your energy levels and your inner landscape while you’re in the thick of things. (Don’t put it off; it’ll just take a few minutes to get started, promise!)

Exercise for individuals:

Close your eyes, and imagine yourself in the future, in that moment of downtime when all the activities have come to a pause. Championships are over, trophies have been handed out, the curtain has come down. Your chauffeuring, scheduling, and juggling is taking a breather. Now take a deep breath as you imagine what that feels like.

You don’t necessarily have to take action on whatever you uncover; sometimes the awareness is enough of a first step. However, if the thought of the off-season immediately fills you with a sense of peace, it’s a good indicator your life isn’t in alignment with your true values. 

Before signup time sneaks up on you again, consider sitting down with your family and listing out priorities. It might feel “unthinkable” to only do two activities instead of five, but it’s a great lesson for our kids to see us making the hard choices and to walk them through tough choices of their own.

Exercise for couples:

I invite each member of the couple to do the above reflection individually. Then come back together with your experiences and go a layer or two deeper: What is the dream here, for the individual? Is the dream to scaffold your son in hockey? Or is your dream for peace and rest during the hibernation months? Ask yourself these questions, starting with one individual, until they get to their core dream. Then have the other person identify theirs. 

Once each person has identified their vision, think about where the dreams intersect and where you see gridlock. In conversation with one another (and hopefully this is just a conversation starter), see where you can find alignment as a couple: Are there ways you can reassess your schedules, routines and expectations? With an anchor point in place, you can look to determine what changes feel good to make, in order to move past blocks and towards the shared vision.