Back to School

Back to school already? Thoughts on a healthy start to the school year

I’m writing this post in July, but I’ve already been feeling like we’re in late August with September running at us at full speed. The expectation is that you savor these last few weeks of summer, squeeze in a last beach trip. The kids are going to bed late. It's still popsicles and summer storms, but then your inbox starts to get the reminders of the registration forms and immunization records. And it’s, “Who's going to be in what class?” and all the social dynamics you might have to anticipate. It can feel like a rude awakening from the summer slow down.

We might not even think about taking a beat to check in with ourselves to see how we’re feeling, as we head into the most major transition of the year: Routines, discipline, extracurriculars ramping back up, book reports and carpools. That’s just for our kids – so many of us have jobs whose busy season overlaps with back to school, which means we might have more meetings, tighter deadlines, higher pressure, exactly at the moment when we’re being called upon to help with homework, troubleshoot growing pains and watch as the little league game heads into extra innings.

And if we aren’t aware of our own feelings about the upcoming busy season, how do we communicate all this to our partner? Everything from the nitty gritty logistics of where to upload the sports physicals to the big-picture issues around what kind of support each family member needs to have a successful fall.

As much as I would love to say August is all about the beach and popsicles, for working parents, it's quite the opposite. It's a transitional month. You may be feeling blissed out, relaxed and restored – and, if so, great – but if not, know that you’re not alone. You don’t have to spread Instagram-worthy messages about your week of bonbons and naps, when your August is looking like anything but. 

If your kids are anything like mine, they’re going to bed late. Their routine looks different (a lot more popsicles). They’re using different parts of their brains as they spend more unstructured time – and that’s a good thing. But it also means you’ll be helping them make a shift over the next few weeks, prepping them to get back to more of an academic structure. 

For the Individual

Pace yourself. As your to-do list grows, make sure to leave yourself plenty of time for your obligations. It's not realistic to carve out Sunday from 9:00- 930 to go to Target and grab all of the school supplies. It takes planning, but it’s worth it if you can save yourself a second trip – and avoid tumbling into burnout before the season even starts. Prioritize what really needs to get done, and spread out the rest. Not everything can be a four-alarm fire.

If you give yourself the time you need to get things done, there’s a chance it might actually be enjoyable. What would it mean to not be pumped up with cortisol and adrenaline at back to school night but instead enjoy the process of honoring this new school year. What are the positive visualizations that you see? How do you want to model that for your kids? Where can you be deliberate versus allowing it to passively take over you?

One of the benefits of a transitional moment is that it is a natural opportunity to change how things are done in your household. Start new routines and let go of old ones that no longer serve. As you develop your fall time routines, think about how you can empower your children to participate: Can they pack their own lunch? Fold their own laundry? Put on their socks and shoes by themselves? Walk home from the bus stop with their friends?

It might take a little bit of time to get them into the groove, but the payoff is worth it, both in terms of time saved for you and in terms of their individual growth. At the end of the day, what we want is independent, happy, empowered little humans. Better to start at age five versus 26. 

There will be plenty of tasks you can’t get off your plate – but stay in that positive mindset of what they can do, and see where you can help them grow in that direction.

For Couples

If you’re partnered, this is a time of year when a date night makes all the difference. Sit down and talk about how you’re going to handle the routines, the paperwork, getting to know the teacher, or even the social story prepping with the kids – for example, talking them through the fact that they are going to be in class with a difficult personality, didn’t get their favorite teacher, or are in a different class from their best friend for the first time.

I also recommend making time for each of you to talk about yourselves as individuals and how you’re feeling professionally and personally as you enter the fall season. The kids get so much attention, with all the things to buy and new steps to take. But the quieter needs, the invisible pressures – they really add up. Do one or both of you have increased stress at work in the fall? Are there ways to offset that burden? 

Brainstorm together, whether you need an additional night of weekly take-out, more carpools with neighbors, fewer activities on your kids’ calendar, and protected time for each of you as individuals and as a couple.

After talking through everything, I also highly recommend finding a task management system for the family, whether it’s a shared calendar or something more involved.

And then, after all that planning and arranging, I recommend a date night where you just enjoy yourselves together. Maybe go get popsicles.